I was sodomised

I feel compelled to record this down. I could hardly believe what happenned to me today at the GH.

"Strip your pants down to your knees and bend your legs." said the doctor.

I was taken aback by her boldness. My impression was - "this can't be. She's a Muslim female doctor and she...."

We were behind the blind. She is a doctor so I thought I better obey her. I shifted my position sidewards to evade her from watching my genitals. I was shy but she was very professional. Then, I bend my knees up in a foetal position.

"That's it, uncle" ...Urgh........! I felt something hard like a stick poking inside my anus.

"Ouch!!!!!" I shouted.

Just checking your prostate, uncle." she said.

"Ouch!!! another insertion.

" Relax..uncle..If you are tense, I cannot feel the prostate" she added.

"Ok, Ok ... at least tell me. I did not expect you to do that." I said.

There was no warning.

She smiled and took out her gloved fingers. I heard the nurse giggled behind the blind.

My face blushed as I zipped up my pants. I felt the after effect of her finger's penetration. My anus was stinging with a hot sensation. It was painful and I suddenly felt like shitting.

"Maybe my asshole has gotten bigger." I thought. It was psychological. I knew.

The doctor then settled in her seat and drew a diagram of the bladder and the location of the prostate. Biology. She then explained the reasons for 'sodomising' me with her finger.


"I have to find out whether there is any enlargement of your prostate, understand?"

"Oh...I see.. Thanks. So am I Ok?

"Well there's no enlargement. Your urine test is Ok. I suspect it could be your previous history of sinus that might affect your pelvis that result in your disability to control your bladder.I am referring you for psysioteraphy and follow up three months later."

I walked out of the consulatation room feeling very satisfied with the service. First time in my life, being 'sodomised' Now I know how it feels like.

What's the cost? FOC.

The Three Musketeers

This is a tale and is meant for entertainment only.

Once upon a time, in a far, far away island off the coast of Malaysia, there lived three middle-aged men. These men have just retired and they have a lot of free time. Not knowing what to do with their time, they had a discussion.

"What's your problem?" asked Musketeer A

"My problem is I am retired too early. 'too old to work, too young to retire! that's my problem."

I am still young,energetic, full of stamina. Why can't I work till 58 or even 60 like our civil servants? It's time they changed the retirement age for the private sector. Now, I do not know how to spend my time!" said Musketeer B"

And what's your's, Musketeer C?" asked Musketeer A

"My problem is my flagging libido." said Musketeer C. " I've lost interest in sex and everything to do with the female gender.I feel like life is not worth living anymore "

"Oh..That's sad." said Musketeer A "I'm still OK. In fact I am having an increase in my sexual prowess. I am afraid I may go astray if I don't control this 'overactive testosterone' of mine." added Musketeer A

"What's this 'testosterone?" Musketeer C asked inquisitively.

Musketeer A being the smartest (normally, those with a lot of testosterone, are smart) explained:

"Testosterone is something that swims in your testicles. It is a kind of thing in men that makes them 'active' or 'inactive' sexually. The more you have, the more active. When Man grows old, the quantity of testosterone become less, but you can prevent by taking necessary countermeasures. Testosterone quantity is at the highest during your adolescence years. Remember? -those years when you were in secondary school, those dating, girls, T-dances, parties???"

"Oh..Yeah, Now I remember." said Musketeer C "and just how can you increase them? added C .


"Wait! .. And..what about you, Musketeer B?" asked Musketeer A

"My problem is not so much with testosterone although I don't mind having somemore. It's this ED *of mine that is troubling me. I still have a penchant for the opposite sex but my weak flagpole! I'm dead!"

Musketeer B sighed pitifully. Then Musketeer A being the de facto leader suggested:

"Since two musketeers are having problems, we would not be able to function and serve the community effectively until a solution is found. Why don't we go on an expedition?
Let's go search for testosterone!!!" They all agreed and from that day onwards they became known as "The Three Musketeers of Penang." Their mission: "In Search of Testosterone"

Now we have to get the medical facts right before we can continue with the story we need to fully understand "Testosterone"


Facts about Testosterone
According to Wikipedia, testosterone is a steroid hormone from the androgen group and is found in mammals, reptiles, birds and other vertebrates.In mammals, testosterone is primarily secreted in the testes of males and the ovaries of females, although small amounts are also secreted by the adrenal glands. It is the principal male sex hormone and an anabolic steroid.

Some possible causes of low testosterone

• Obesity (overweight)
• Diabetes
  
  Possible Effects of Low level of testosterone for Man
  
• Libido/ED
• Decrease in mental and physical energy
• Infertility
• Osteoporosis

In short, TESTOSTERONE is very important for the overall well being of MAN. To sustain a healthy marriage and a harmonious family it's vital that the testosterone level of Man be maintained.

Fishing Off The Isles of Pulau Jerajak

Exploring the Isles of Pulau Jerajak, Pulau Kendi,

Pulau Aman, Pulau Rimau.





Date: Tuesday, 11,May, 2010.



Time: 9.30am till 6.00pm.

Okay-lah! Say what you like about Penang:- full of rubbish; pollution; traffic jams; overcrowding; 'Kiam Siap'(stingy) people; or whatever, - NO NEW TOURIST SPOTS, !, I digress. There are still some nice, enjoyable places around, if you know how to look for it.

I am talking about a boat trip to the islands surrounding Pulau Rimau for fishing.

Meeting Venue: Starbucks-Queensbay
While I gazed out of the tinted window and immersed myself in the beauty of Pulau Jerajak

"Oh... I wonder, what's going on in these islands?"

Is there any life there?

Basking peacefully underneath the hot tropical sun, this island was a former penal island where some of Malaysia's most notorious criminals were detained. I remembered, it made the headlines once when the convicts burned the detention camp and CPO Zaman Khan chasing after them with his baton. It was hilarious!!!

And what about the other islands....? the progress of the 2nd link bridge?..., and so.

These curiosities are about to be answered today.

Bernard and friends - Kenny, George and me decided to go for a fishing cum exploration trip out to the isles on a boat. The islands to cover are: Pulau Jerajat, Pulau Rimau, Pulau Kendi, and Pulau Aman. According to our guide,Kenny, an expert fisherman, there are big fishes there and also the surrounding some smaller islands.

It was a bright, sunny, Tuesday morning. A working day for most people, but not us. I parked my car at the carpark near the Malay food stalls opposite Seagate factory, along the Bayan Lepas Freeway. Opposite the stalls was the sea and the numerous islands dotting around Pulau Jerajak. George and Kenny (Bernard's friends) were already waiting. George Bum,(or boom or bun, not sure with the spelling of these Eurasian names), a veteran guitarist, back in the 60's;
aka - the 'Kenny Rogers' of Penang, were there, together with Kenny.

We got acquainted and went for a drink at the nearby stall while we waited for Bernard.Few minutes later, he turned up in his jeep. Bernard, ever jovial, a friend, an avid fisherman, adventurer, and organiser of this trip. He is a guy who will never say 'no' to have some fun at the slightest opportunity especially after rtirement. He smiled, and unloaded his fishing stuff from the jeep. We helped him to transfer them to the powered motor boat parked at a makeshift jetty. There was this 'China Apek', presumably, the boat owner, who started giving some advice to Bernard regarding the boat. After all the stuff were loaded, Bernard took over the boat and became "Captain" of the day. The frightening thing about been out at sea was that when the boat engine fail in the sea, what are you going to do?? I often heard of motor jammed or refuse to fail to start. Just as I was thinking about this, it happenned. Speak of the devil!

Eerggh.....gh....,gh......., ergh.gh...gh......." the motor coughed intermittently. I looked at Bernard worriedly, but he just smiled. He tried to jump start the boat. Eeegh.............., he tried again...
It couldn't start.

"It was okay, just now! " the 'Cina Apekese' shouted. " Why it won't start now ? " he remarked.
We kept silent. "What if this were to happen in the middle of the sea." I thought to myself. " We will be stranded." I started to imagine the boat sinking and stuff like that. 'Shoove!' this better don't happen. I still want to live ' I shut off the idea.

"Ergghh..........,......

Vroom....,Vroom....., vroom.......the engine finally started and roared alive. There were happy faces as we sighed a sign of relief. Our captain, smiled confidently as he slowly backed up the boat from the jetty, make a 'U' turn, and speeded off to sea. As the boat pick up speed, it cut through the water, pounding against the waves. It was exhilarating! Happy like a schoolboy on his first excursion, I was finally going to visit these mysterious island. With the wind flapping hard against my face and sprinkles of sea water showering over, I felt liberated. Free!!! As I hung tightly to the rails, the motor boat roared fiercely to the open sea.The jetty gradually disappeared behind us.


Then we headed for Pulau Rimau. The Captain suddenly decided to turn towards the first island ; Pulau Rimau. Pulau Rimau (shortin Malay for 'harimau'-Tiger). I am not sure how it got it's name. Maybe the shape of the island look like a tiger crouching. Pulau Rimau Anyway, it is known for many mysterious tales and existence of 'Datuks' and spirits. When we were on shore, Kenny already advised us against bringing pork on the boat as this might provoke the spirits and we will be in trouble. Story had that one guy who did that got drowned.

I was shivering as I just had 'Bak Hu' (pork) bread for breakfast. Anyway, after hearing this, I threw the remaining away. As we neared Rimau, Bernard switched off the engine and the boat rocked wildly with the tide. Anyone not familiar, will sure be seasick,. But I was OK - surprise!

The rest of them like seasoned veteran, did not feel anything. Then it was dead silence. A bird suddenly wailed above flapping its wings and flew towards the thick foliage hills in the island. Fantastic!!! The bird was unusually big. Then an eagle seemed to welcome us as it circled above us. Wow, wonderful!!!!

I immersed myself in the peace and serenity of the environment. "This is life" I screamed. It was beautiful ! We then prepare our fishing rods and bait and threw down the line. Its fishing time. The sun shoned and beat on our backs mercifully as I pretended to fish like a professional. Actually I know nuts about fishing!

The suddelny ""swoosps,, swoops,,,. Yeah, the fish bite. I pulled up my line and there it was - a big 'Garupa' Kuah Kau. Belive it or not?? A novice can catch a Kuah Kau?

Bernard was silent and so was George and Kenny. Then all of a sudden --swoop,,swoop, more bites. this time it was Kenny's and George. One after another we kept pulling up fishes. Some we threw back because they were too small.

We were there fishing till dusk. After a bountiful day of catch, we decided to head home. It was a very fruitful and productive day as all of us went home smiling with the catch. The wives had a good time cooking up sambal belacan 'ikan tengirri' for all of us.

Note: Anyone interested on this trip may contact Bernard or me. Special for all Flames and Clams!
Until next trip, this is your Captain signing off.

Flame Revival Night - Helen's Homecoming

Homecoming Reunion Dinner for Helen Koay


Day/Date: Friday, 19th March, 2010
Venue: Sukonthai Restaurant, BJCC, Habana Club,Krystal Pt.
Time: 7.30 - 12.00pm


To sum up, it was wonderful, fantastic and awesome! An evening to cherish and remember. Imagine, an impromptu call from Grace to a small number of 'FLAME' members through e-mail, could turn out to be such a fun-filled, enjoyable and nostalgic night.

The occasion: Reunion dinner for Helen Koay.


Bernard, Captain, Grace, Helen, Mirinda, Judy, LK Yoong, Jack and Helen. Nine of us, was all it took to revive a diminishing 'FLAME' spirit to a level that was reminiscent of the first gathering we had at Trader's Hotel years back. That's the spirit!

Everyone was ' bullish' (like stock bull's run) and the atmosphere was cordial, friendly, warm, vibrant and full of love. One thing for sure - Everyone wanted to meet everyone. You could see it in their eyes. The saying: 'Absence makes heart grow fonder' came true.

Though middle age by now, most show no signs of abating, aging or mid-life crisis. Leaving menopause and andropause aside, everyone were still as energetic as ever. Maybe they have found a way of concealing, I don't know, but it's a good feeling to feel 'young and stay young.' Mental attitude. In fact, everyone glowed like 'teenagers' going on their first date.
Where they get the energy?



The dinner started with a sumptuous meal of Thai food at the Sukonthai Restaurant at BJCC. The dishes were Tomyam, Fried prawns, Curry fish, Taugeh, vegetables, and fried cuttlefish. It was delicious! Although rather quiet on a Friday evening, this country club, BJCC, had seen it's better days. With the swimming pool devoid of water, it somehow dampened the atmosphere, but it failed to dampen the spirit of those present. I remembered it used to be lighted with colorful lights in the evening. Anyway, the gang of AH PEHs' and AH EEs (uncles & aunties) - (excuse me), were there tucking away the Thai food, washed down with beers and Air Swam.

According to reliable source, Helen is now a 'globe-trotter' and has been jet-setting around the globe. Lucky gal. She started the evening with her travel tales of US and Europe. As evident from her Facebook, she has been updating us with photos of places in Europe and with her children working in different parts of US, she seemed very busy cruising and holidaying.

We then exchanged travel stories, and Bernard updated us on his latest ' Cruise to No where' in Penang. We lamented about Janet Ooi ( AMD nurse) and Mei Chan (another ex-AMDer) who visited Penang earlier during the CNY holidays. The conversation later drifted to the local scene and eventually end up on AMD.



Who can forget AMD? You know-lah, when old folks get together, what else do they talk about - good old times- loh! Again, we started checking out on who is around, and who is no longer around, as if taking stock of a depleting inventory.

Then Captain Ho tried to resurrect the old, old past of AMD by delivering a 'ceramah-like' speech. ( wonder why he suddenly stood up?) Being a LGE supporter, he was on the roll. He thought he was preparing for the next GE's campaigning. Anyway, the audience was more interested in the food than politics,so, he was forced to cut short the ceramah. Still early maybe. Try again, next function. Cap!

With beer flowing, now the men were talking. Bernard took the lead. I don't know exactly what he was talking, but the aunties seemed amused. While the aunties had 'Air Swam' (warm plain water) , as expected - (jaga badan,) the uncles wanted to order 'Tongkat Ali' coffee, but was politely turned down by the waitress.

By then, the mood was gearing up and someone suggested 'The Habana Club", So all of us adjourned to Crystal Point. This Club used to be called 'Roo's Cellar' at one time and has changed hands several times. It was highly recommended by Bernard, don't know why?

Habana, we went. A nice cosy place located on the first floor at Cystal Point. You have got to take the lift in between the the few shops, just next to 7-Eleven shop. Spacious with wine cellar and ambient atmosphere, nice decor, there is a bar, with nice young waitresses and a 'live' band- The New Faces'.

This band members comprises of Bonny, Patrick and Ignitious, all Eurasians. Remember? .. they played for SS Khoo's son's wedding. Since the band members were just as ' young' as us, good-lah! We had no problem in blending in with their music - their repetiore and rendition of 'oldies' and evergreen favorites.

Songs like 'Take me through the Night' was rather painful for some of us, otherwise, the 'Country and Western' numbers were upbeat and soothing. We applauded and sang along with feet stomping, and more beers a-pouring. The band was a spot on, and invited the guest to sing along. There was quite a crowd for a Friday evening and with the waitresses - Aheh (M'sian), Imogene(UK) and Lina(Phillipines) serving, life became meaningful for some of the men there.
An international cast, for a local pub.



So, as usual, special request for Jack Ung (me) to sing. I Kicked-off with "Words" and then, you know-lah,- "Country Roads, Take Me Home" (oops.not again) Well, this old horse can still have some ounce of energy to entertain. The audience erupted with loud applause and sing-along. I was surprised. I wondered whether it was the beer that was doing the singing or me?

Anyway if my partner, Awi , were to be here, it would have been more fun. Next meet, Awi.

Well, as they say, all good times have to come to an end and so was this one. As the evening approached midnight, we bid farewell to each other and wish each other 'Good health, good luck. and Stay young.

Until we meet again'

Bon Voyage to Helen and 'Forever Young'
Goodnight.